Whether we like it or not, at different times we become coaches. For some people, coaching is part of the essential set of skills they bring to a job. For others, it is much more episodic and informal.
First, a caveat: Even though we’re nearing football season, I’m not talking about coaching sports, but rather coaching colleagues, friends, and families, both informally or formally. And, when I mention coaching, I draw upon thought-leaders like Parker Palmer, Edgar Schein, and Jim Knight, all of whom tell us the key to effective coaching is building a partnership with whomever is being coached.
Schein, a professor emeritus of management at the MIT Sloan School of Management, reminds us that today’s culture is a “culture of tell,” which makes it difficult for people to ask instead of tell. “What is so wrong with telling? The short answer is a sociological one. Telling puts the other person down.” (Humble Inquiry, p. 8)
So what is the alternative? According to Schein, “asking temporarily empowers the other person in the conversation and temporarily makes me vulnerable. It implies that the other person knows something that I need or want to know. It draws the other person into the situation and into the driver’s seat; it enables the other person to help or hurt me and, thereby, opens the door to building a relationship.” (p. 9)
Jim Knight, from the University of Kansas Center for Research on Learning and the President of the Instructional Coaching Group, agrees. In Unmistakable Impact, he invites us to reflect on how we like to be engaged with others:
“If someone was talking with you about your work, how would you like them to relate to you? Chances are you would want them to treat you as an equal, to respect your knowledge enough to let you make some decisions about how you do your work. You would probably also want them to ask your opinion and listen to your voice, to talk with you in a way that encouraged thought and dialogue about your real-life experience. If they also demonstrated that they expected to learn from you, it would probably make it all the more likely that you would listen to them.” (p. 28)
Parker Palmer, a teacher and author of seven books, extends this concept into the touchy subject of teacher evaluation. He suggests that an effective evaluation requires the evaluator or peer to “be there.” He suggests, “if we had periodic conversations with each other about teaching over an extended period of time, we would know enough about each other to ask real questions and give real answers when the moment for evaluation arrived.” (The Courage to Teach, p. 148).
Asking good, empowering questions
Clearly, an essential part of effective coaching is the ability to ask good questions that empower the other person.
Today, as I was reviewing some blogs that I check regularly, I found a great resource that can help us ask good questions at the right time. The blog entry is titled “70 Awesome Coaching Questions Using the GROW Model.”
The GROW Model was developed by management and leadership expert Dan McCarthy. GROW is an acronym:
• Goal
• Current Reality
• Options
• Will (or Way Forward)
McCarthy has developed specific questions to be used in each step of the model. For example, when thinking about setting a goal – an essential element of an effective coaching conversations – McCarthy suggests 10 questions ranging from “What do you want to achieve from this coaching session?” to “What result are you trying to achieve?”
Assessing the current reality requires what McCarthy calls a “slow and easy” dialogue rather than “rapid-fire interrogation.” To do that, he offers 20 questions that range from “What is happening now (what, who, when, and how often?) and what is the (e)ffect or result of this?” to “On a scale of one to ten how severe/serious/urgent is the situation?”
McCarthy provides 20 questions for the options part of the model, including:
- “What are your options?”
- “What do you think you need to do to get a better result?”
- “What advice would you give to a friend about that?”
And, finally, to begin to address the way forward, McCarthy developed another 20 questions, which include:
- “What do you think you need to right now?”
- “How will you know when you have done it?”
- “On a scale of one to ten, how committed/motivated are you to doing it?”
- “What would it take to make it a ten?”
A resource worth saving
So whether you coach regularly or find yourself in occasional situations where your advice is sought, you might add this blog and these questions to your bank of resources. That way, the next time you’re asked for help, you’ll remember to ask questions rather than give answers.
